It’s valentine’s day and the perfect time to discuss love languages.  Have you ever wondered if your partner still loves you? if so, you might be speaking a different love language than your partner.

What are the love languages?

We all give and receive love in five different ways which are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. These are called ‘love languages’ – a concept created by Dr. Gary Chapman through his long-time work as a marriage The counsellor.

The five languages are

 1. Words of affirmation

When words of affirmation is your love language, you love being told you are loved and appreciate praise, encouragement, and compliments. Harsh words affect you badly.

Acts of Service

Anything that your partner does willingly to help you is a sign of love if you like acts of service. You feel cared for when your partner vacuums before you get to it or makes you breakfast as a surprise. In contrast, broken promises or laziness can make you feel unimportant.  

  1. Receiving gifts

When you speak this love language, a thoughtful gift shows to you that you are special. In contrast, generic gifts and forgotten special events have the opposite effect. This love language isn’t necessarily materialistic – it could be as simple as receiving your favourite snack after a bad day.

  1. Quality time

Nothing says you’re loved like undivided attention from your partner. When your partner is truly present (and not looking at their phone), it makes you feel important.  Failure to actively listen or long periods without one-on-one time can make you feel unloved.

  1. Physical touch

Holding hands, kisses, hugs, and other touches are your preferred way to show and receive love. Appropriate touches convey warmth and safety, while physical neglect can drive a wedge between you and your partner.   


How love languages can improve your relationships

We often have one or two preferred love languages and it’s rare that our partner will have the same ones. If you express your love through your preferred love language, the chances are that it goes unnoticed by your partner.

Say that your love language is gifts, and you often surprise your partner with thoughtful gifts. How does it make you feel when they just have a quick look at your thoughtful present? Your partner might not value gifts but appreciates acts of service. It would mean the world to them if you did chores around the house instead of buying gifts. 

Learning to speak your partner’s preferred language can drastically strengthen your relationship.  Love languages apply to non-romantic relationships as well, as well as friends, children and family.